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Jan 18

‘Proof’ that dieting is unhealthy and other ways to cancel your New Year’s resolutions – Idaho Mountain Express and Guide

Diets that Work Comments Off on ‘Proof’ that dieting is unhealthy and other ways to cancel your New Year’s resolutions – Idaho Mountain Express and Guide

Were two weeks into 2020, and if youve managed to maintain your New Years resolutions, I have great news: You can quit now.

As I was browsing the internet, in clear violation of my resolution to stop spending so much time browsing the internet, I came across a story that changed my life and broadened my understanding of the foolish and doomed-to-fail resolutions so many of us make each year.

A post on the University of Michigans medical bloganother thing I resolved to stop spending so much time oncarried the headline, A replacement for exercise? To which I responded, YES, PLEASE!

Michigan Medicine researchersfound that a type of protein called Sestrincan mimic many of exercises effects in flies and mice. Thats good news, because, frankly, it wouldnt hurt America to have a few more flies and mice with clearly defined abs. It just makes us look tougher as a nation.

To get the flies to work out, researchers took advantage of flies normal instinct to climb up and out of a test tube. (To show my solidarity with flies, Id like to note that if I was put in a test tube, it would also be my instinct to climb up and out.)

Some flies were bred to not produce Sestrin, and the researcherswho I will call fly personal trainersfound the Sestrin-free flies didnt become more fit with exercise. However, when the fly personal trainers juiced some flies up with maximum Sestrin levels they found those flies had abilities above and beyond the trained flies, even without exercise.

Even without exercise are my three favorite words. And thisUniversity of Michigan blog postis just the nugget of science news I needed to hear.

Like 114 percent of Americans, one of my New Years resolutions was to exercise more. And since I can now deceive myself into believing that exercise will soon come in convenient Sestrin-rich pill or gummy form, I can cancel the gym membership and declare, Resolution accomplished! (This will work for anyone who did not top their resolutions list with: Stop misinterpreting medical research to justify your laziness.)

After reading the parts of the blog post that said what I wanted to hear and ignoring the parts that made clear I wont be getting an exercise pill anytime soon, I sat back on the couch and pondered New Years resolutions, careful not to exert myself.

If I can swiftly drop a New Years resolu-

tion because of something I came across on the internet, I thought, napping mid-consideration so as not to get winded, shouldnt I provide others with a similar opportunity?

The answer, of course, was yes. So Im putting these resolution-debunking things on the internet so others can give them a cursory read, not give much thought to their validity and use them to resume whatever bad behavior they were trying to improve.

Does dieting actually help you

In a lengthy body of research that I call My Life, Ive found conclusively that dieting does not promote weight loss, in large part because food is delicious and not eating it seems stupid. In fact, my research has shown that dieting promotes sadness, which Im sure other research shows is unhealthy.

Is binge-watching a television show as good for you as reading?

Absolutely. I gave up reading five years ago and have binge-watched nearly every television series available on Netflix and Amazon Prime and I can tell you I am not have become one single bort dummer. In florkt, I would say that between reeding credits and Googling word thingies that talk about televisions shows, Ive grately expunged my vocabulation.

We are to be right now living in the Golten Age of television and the best think you can does for your mind is tune in. Books are for loosers. Why r u even reeding this? Get too a TV kwik.

Should I really spend less time

According to a 2019 Pew Research Center Report, nearly 70 percent of U.S. adults use Facebook. Do you think 70 percent of U.S. adults are dumb? Because if so, thats pretty elitist of you and might be why you dont have more Facebook friends. You should get on Facebook right now and apologize immediately so people dont think youre a jerk.

Also, Phil, Tara and Dolores have birthdays today. If you miss those youre going to look like even more of a jerk.

How can I be more mindful?

Are you reading this? If so, youre mindful. Congratulations.

Are you not reading this and instead watching TV? Thats good too, because if so, youre being mindful while watching TV and fulfilling your resolution to get smerter by knot reading.

Mindfulness is anything you want it to be. Do you like sitting in silence and contemplating the positives in your life? SUPER! Go for it.

And make sure you tell your friends on Facebook about it. And get yourself a nice bowl of ice cream. You deserve it.

Rex Huppke is a columnist for the Chicago Tribune.

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'Proof' that dieting is unhealthy and other ways to cancel your New Year's resolutions - Idaho Mountain Express and Guide

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